Friday, August 3, 2007

Dental Accessories Assembled During Lunch

Back to the cardiac lecture I go, but first a detour to the restroom for breath control.

Pizza is a risky venture when you haven't brought a toothbrush to work.

Dried sauce caked around the corners of the mouth. Dough crammed into the spaces between each tooth to make them appear conjoined, like those candy wax molds I used to goof off with when I was a kid. And then, the dreaded basil sprig wedged splat in the middle of the front teeth.

A couple of swishes of water may serve to loosen up that little bugger.

Maybe if I position the holdout particle between my front teeth it will look like a small space--a clean vacancy showcasing a display of ivory.

It's not working! Basil is still recognizable as a foreign object in my mouth. What the hell?! I have to get back to class. By now they've probably already started, but I can't go in like this. I'll forget about it in the drone of the lecture and end up smiling in a false display of fascination, and then it will make its unwanted appearance.

I have nothing to work with here. Maybe this paper towel will do. Just roll it into a tiny point, jam it in there forcefully, and joila! Okay, let's try that one more time. Roll, jam...come on already, get the hell outta there!

Ah, perfectly positioned. After my braces came off my wisdom teeth pushed my perfect smile askance. This is a good look for me now. Maybe I'll carry around a small container of dried chopped basil instead of gum. Parsley would also do the trick, but it wouldn't give that fresh herbal scent to my breath.

Finally, freedom from the mirror. As I pass through the classroom door and greet my coworkers, I notice a piece of toilet paper hanging off the back of my shoe.


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