When the doctor tells you not to lay flat for four hours after your botox injections, you'd better listen up.
I get shots every 3 months for blepharospasm, a neurological disease that causes involuntary muscle contractions around the eyes and sometimes face. I wish I could say that it's not so bad, but driving is a terror, and I need to wear sunglasses all the time, even in the store, because of the fact that bright light is painful to me.
It's actually a little humorous to notice old people looking askance when I wear old-people-wrap-around shades. Yes, I want to say, I wear these to look cool. I'm an individual, don't you know? I haven't grown out of my adolescence.
And when Walmart shoppers stare--it almost seems like they're trying to picture my face on the "People of Walmart" website.
This disease makes me feel old, even though the treatment makes me look young. Gone are the crows feet and forehead lines. But, with every wonderful thing, there are complications.
I get about twice the dose of botox as they give cosmetically, which translates to "for about 2 months, it feels like I only have half a face."
So back to the main story here. I had to return to get my eyelids done. I really didn't want those eyelid injections--they're scary and make it slightly difficult to close them all the way--so I originally asked the doctor to just skip it. But my eyes were still dry and painful and I knew I needed them.
This whole thing is becoming, after 3 times, (do I dare say?), a little routine. Ah, what's a few megadoses of the deadliest toxin known to man injected into my face? I got this.
The two eyelid shots went well and I drove home uneventfully.
My husband was there, both kids were at school...I mean, we could've cleaned the house or something. I suppose that would've been a little more productive in the short run.
I knew that what we were doing was very, very wrong. I even told him so. But honey, you're not really laying down, he entreated. You're sorta on your right side. Where's the Kama Sutra?
No, I replied, the right side should be fine at this 20 degree angle for a few minutes. Well, I didn't really say that, but I was sure contemplating those logistics.
So wouldn't you know that 5 days later my right eyelid was sagging halfway down my face? The left eye--perfectly fine.
When I called the doctor to report this, the office people tried to give me the runaround that botox has to wear off on its own. They didn't realize who they were dealing with.
By the end of the conversation a prescription was called in for me.
Tonight half my face is numb, my right eyelid still sags in stroke-like fashion, and I'm high from the eyedrops.
And it's almost my birthday too!
Next time I'll make sure we plan better; either that or give him my blessing to "liberally surf the internet" while I clean the house.
I just finished scoring my moonflower seeds for this year. As I come within micrometers of cutting myself a sixth finger I think, geez, how on earth did these things manage to propagate themselves in the wild without human intervention?
I lost one under the refrigerator. When I finally dig it out someday, I'll try to see if it will still grow--although the dust and pieces of dog food under there may be a good medium for its survival right now.
The cat chased a rogue seed down as it slipped from my fingers and slid across the kitchen floor. I rushed down to grab it up before she took off with it and came back wearing sunglasses and a sun hat. Remember, these things can be hallucinogenic.
Below are directions to grow moonflowers straight from the package. I almost want to call the company and ask how many repeat customers they have, because to follow these recommendations is a recipe for seeds that stay seeds and subsequently rot in the ground.
For a detailed and humorous method on how to grow moonflowers, unlike the above directions, which will 1) leave you questioning why you didn't just go to the Home Depot garden center and pick out a few hanging geraniums, and 2) cause you to ponder why you were so cocky as to think you could actually grow something this complicated on your own, please visit this post: