A Dickens of a Christmas, 2009

I choose to be a mother

I Choose to be a Mother

Some houses try to hide the fact that children shelter there,
Ours boasts of it quite openly, the signs are everywhere,
For smears are on the windows, little smudges on the door,
I should apologize, I guess, for toys shrewn on the floor,
But I sat down with the children and we played and laughed and read,
And if the windows do not shine, their eyes will shine instead,
And when at times I'm forced to choose the one job or the other,
I want to be a housewife, but first I'll be a mother.


Borrowed from http://angietolpin.blogspot.com

the living frost

to the pre-lit christmas tree in my front room

Hello there, tree. Nice to make your acquaintance. I'm sure that you're feeling cramped in that box, and a little airing out will suit you well. It must've been a long and harrowing trip from China to my living room. Up on the stand you go. Now to add your midsection and top. All assembled. Feel better?

My husband recently inherited you from a co-worker and thinks that you'd be a more suitable choice for our Christmas decor this year. Let's make something perfectly clear: I do not agree. I know that you're probably confused, so I'll explain. I am a sentimental packrat, and I don't like replacing things that still seem to work fine and that I have an attachment to. You will soon find this out when you get crammed into the storage closet with the rest of the holiday decorations from years gone by.

I didn't see anything wrong with my old tree, but my better half says that it's missing too many needles. FYI, we have two kittens, and I can see them already eyeing yours like they're chew toys.

The real problem is that you're not really presenting yourself well. Sure, all of your lightbulbs are working. For now. But your shape is lopsided and I can see your pole. Don't be shy...I've seen many like this before. We'll just make some of your inner branches more erect to cover it up. Am I making you blush? Can we puhleeze keep this on a professional level???

Here kitty kitty. Excuse me for a moment while I dig my cat out from your innards. She's really just a baby, but recently came into that special time in life whereby she walks around moaning and rubbing her butthole on everything in sight. Laypeople such as myself call it "heat." Don't worry, this is not a permanent condition, and it won't cause you to burn down. We plan to get both of the cats sterilized...after Christmas.


I think that you and I are going to have some good years together.

writing phenomenon

I've noticed that it's sometimes easier for me to uninhibitedly write a letter than a blog post. So I'm going to try a new format for awhile and see if it makes my efforts feel less labored. All my posts are going to be written as letters to someone or something. The subject will determine the recipient. I haven't seen this method used in a blog before. Time to climb out of the box. And maybe talking to inaminate objects suits me better anyways.

I hope this doesn't come off as totally insane, so at moments like this I feel honored to mention one of my favorite quotes by E.L. Doctorow: "Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." All in the good name of unbridled creativity.

hands gone wild

I wonder if I am taking this handwashing thing a little too far with my 3-year-old. She seems to be a little over-enthusiastic about it!

Thankfuls

For the past couple of weeks, I have committed to stating something that I am thankful for everyday. This is probably a routine that I should get myself into every morning--consciously thanking God for something--and yes, I do pray sometimes, but not often enough--I think I mentioned that before.

Prayer to me is a calming and meditative activity. Even if I don't always feel like someone "up there" is listening, it helps to set my mind free from the scattered and hectic thoughts that plague me throughout the day.

Anyways, here is the list:

1. For a husband who puts up with all my crap and rarely seems to get angry about it.

2. For all my fellow veterans (that includes ALL branches of the military, lol--go army!) keeping our country safe every day, including my uncle who was killed in Vietnam before I was able to meet him. You are all so brave!!!

3. For having a boss that I can talk to and know that she is sincere and caring. That she is German and brings lots of food from her native country for us (I have a soft spot for that place for some reason). And also for the fact that she likes my idea of sunglasses at work----just not during IV sticks!

4. As a tribute to Friday the 13th today, I'm very thankful that I have an old beater for a car. That makes it so much easier to accept the dings and scratches, especially when you get hit in the store parking lot!

5. Continuing on with the Friday the 13th thankfulness...thankful for my precious animals, as well as the veterinarian who cares for them...and also flea treatments, and vaccines to keep them healthy...all for only $499! It must be a FT13TH special!

6. For my friends, particularly the ones I can be myself around and not feel shy about it. ML, you are the most special to me. We've known eachother since 15 and nobody really knows me like you do. You never get on my case about being such a terrible correspondent. You are irreplaceable!

7. For keyboards, typewriters, pens, pencils, and paper (that includes scratch paper!). Basically, anything and everything to write on and with! No, not spray paint :)

8. For hot showers, cold drinks, and that I have not yet gone gray.

9. Thankful to be me. And I'm not even going to add any qualifiers in there, surprise surprise! :-)

10. For progress and ice cream, not sure in which order of importance.

11. It's Saturday and I'm home...thank you :) In fact, thankful for ALL days off from work!

12. To be done done done with the floor! (other than the quarter round, but who's really counting that?). And as my dear husband so astutely observed, without one argument or bicker at eachother. Good thing, considering we have several more rooms to do still.

13. For second chances, do-overs, redos, and encores.

14. For the rambunctiousness of my children, the calmness of the trees, filling meals, and that I made it to another Thanksgiving with all my senses intact (except maybe the common one :p).

B's tooth falls out

Today we learned that a pretzel can not only be used as a snack food, but also for wrenching a loose tooth free. I wonder if anyone has ever invented a loosetooth grabber device. This could be it!

It happened while he was sitting in class. The students have the freedom to eat their snack from home whenever they want during the day, as long as they keep it at their desk. This is so different from when I was growing up, or even from my oldest daughter's school--a strict parochial institution. I believe that this instills a sense of responsibility and individuality in the child--and, more importantly, gives them a little bit of control over their mostly structured day.

So, to make a long story short, the pretzel caught the tooth and pulled it out. Seeing the blood was not traumatic for him. We talk about things like that all the time. I refuse to shelter him about the world, lest he be shocked and terrified someday.

He brought the white jagged pearly thing home in a plastic bag, so proud of the accomplishment, like when he runs another lap in track. I'm sad because I won't be home tonight to witness the Tooth Fairy's first arrival to our house (yeah, I sometimes fail at teaching the ins and outs of reality, but whatever).

Okay, I'm going to make a confession now. Someday when you read this, B, you will gasp, but the Tooth Fairy had to borrow money from your Halloween card on the counter to pay you for your tooth. We love you :)

southside

I've recently learned something about having a so-called "disability":

If you don't get a sense of humor about it, it will consume you.

So there I was at work tonight, sitting in the breakroom and working on the essays for my grad school application. My eyes were feeling sore. I glanced at them in the mirror, then realized I looked like I should be taken to drug rehab immediately.

I fumbled around in my bag and found my sunglasses. This is one of the "tools" that my boss agreed that I should use at work to get through the shift on the bad nights. Actually, they're my husband's, because I sat on mine in the car. Sunglasses have an extremely short half-life when they belong to me.

They are special sunglasses, fancy ones. They say "NASCAR" on the arm (the part that hooks to your ear) and have bluish-tinted lenses. Perfect for where I'm living now, although I think we bought them back in Illinois. Unfortunately, somewhere between my car and the locker here at work that poor fancy left arm got amputated.

I'm trying to be adaptive, but having just one side hang off my face isn't working, so I get out my baseball cap, the second "tool." One of my friends in the ER bought it for me. He calls me "Southside" and speaks to me in an exaggerated Minnesota accent, always mocking my northern roots, but sweetly picked this hat up for me when he spotted it at Target. I made sure I told him "thanks boy."

I adjust it on my head, try to stretch it out after leaving it in the dryer for too long, and what do you know? In walks my coworker, laughing immediately when she sees me. I can't help but laugh too. I look utterly ridiculous with polyester scrubs and this hat on. Just the fact that my boss said it was okay for me to walk around a nursing unit with a baseball cap and sunglasses shows how far we've come in the working world with disability accomodations. But no, I won't be leaving the breakroom like this. I'm not quite at that level of comfort with myself. The "tools" are reserved for those moments when there is no patient around!

Yes, you can always find something to smile about in almost every situation, if you look hard enough!

living in a white bread 'hood

B, my first grader, went on a field trip to a play yesterday.

"Mom, listen to this! This is cool! When we were riding on the bus a red car pulled up beside us and there was a Japanese person inside! A Japanese person in Tennessee!!!"

Of course, I am trying to be a good mother and teach my son to embrace diversity. So I proceeded to explain that there are plenty of Asian people living in Tennessee, as well as other ethnicities, and that they all contribute to the beauty of the collective human face of our world.

And then of course, I sighed, and said out loud "We definitely need to take more trips to Chicago."