she's an oxymoron

My husband told me about a woman that came into a store with a bottle of prescription pills. The name on the bottle was scratched off.

She was caught stealing a $180 DVD player, a 20 oz. bottle of Crush, and Joel Osteen's audiobook "Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential."

You have to give her just a little credit for trying.

learning the language

Here in the South, there are churches everywhere.

People are sanctified and glorified. And now, according to one of my dizzy-feeling patients, they are also faintified. I wonder if being deep-fried fits in anywhere here.

That's almost as bad as when your feet get "swol."

The other day I caught myself saying "ya'll." And I have cut "pop" out of my speech except around family. It's "soda," otherwise I give myself away. Natives use "coke" to be persnickety to Northerners--to really confuse us. I know this because they always smile as they say it once they've notice my accent.

I've read that it takes 2 years to lay down roots in a new community, and it has been nearly two years now. I don't cry every other day about how I miss Illinois, and I like my next-door neighbor (either that, or I've just learned how to put up with him, or vice versa).

I am either conceding my northernness or selling-out.