"Soccer Mom"

My mother-in-law demoted me to a "soccer mom" this morning, as I cajoled my kids out of the air conditioning and into the typical 80 degree (but with sun feels like 90's) morning with mommy bag slung on the shoulder devoid of chocolate-enhanced drool (it has far more functionality than to deserve the name "diaper bag;" anyways, didn't I grow out of that term when my oldest hit high school?).

Frankly, I was rather offended by the comparison. My world is so much less put together than the one which I imagine the soccer mom inhabits, and I take pride in that.

1. She drives a sleek aerodynamic minivan, preferably a Honda Odyssey. I drive a clumsy Astro van with the window knocked out. Okay, this is just until tomorrow when we are able to get it into the body shop, but until then I will proudly cover the frame with a Chicago Bears towel.

2. The soccer mom's vehicle is clean. At night when everyone is sleeping, a magical fairy comes and vacuums away the chunks of half-chewed granola bars and vaporizes the dirty diapers left from the emergency gas station stop (a last resort for leakiness).

3. She carries a bottle of Spray-N-Wash at all times in order to fend off permanent staining to hers or the children's clothes. My family's trademark is crusty leftovers stuck to whatever part of the body is at the nearest point when the food falls. My son's right shoulder sleeve has become a portable napkin.

4. Her children have neat hair. My baby searches wildly among her head for any attachments and promptly rips them out. My 4-year-old son's whorl has earned permanent Alfie status. Water, gel, mousse, super glue, cement--nothing will touch it.

C. Moonflower

Introduction to my very first blog

Hello,
My name is Clementine Moonflower, henceforth to be my online pseudonym.

After dedicating a few seconds of deep thought to the process, I've decided to start a blog based on the experiences of a nearly-lifetime Chicagoan now residing in Tennessee.

I will refrain from disclosing too much information just now. What then would I have left to say in future postings? I do hope that you will enjoy my own special blend of sarcastic humor and emotional rhetoric, as well as partially blurred photos from my digital camera. I'm looking forward to sharing it with anyone who ventures to stop by this webpage.

Perhaps therapy, perhaps writing practice. Maybe a combination of both.

Talk to you soon,

C. Moonflower

P.S.--Here is my original "about me" intro. I changed it on October 23, 2009.

I grew up in the south suburbs of Chicago. I am the Sox fan (although don't ask me to name any of the players), and he is the Cubs fan.

In June 2007, my family and I moved to Tennessee. That is what this blog is mostly about--learning to adapt, but not quite enough to assimilate.

We miss major league baseball and snow, but not the cold snaps and having to wear 2 layers of everything in the winter. We love the sun yet miss the rain, and find the bugs interestingly dreadful.

I love the biodiversity of the trees growing here, but not the poison ivy that climbs comfortably up each one in my backyard.

And most of all, the "You're not from around here, are you?" question has lost its cuteness and novelty.